Getting Through The Hardest Days

We returned from our court trip to Seoul on July 3 and almost overnight, something unexpected happened: anxiety.

The full-throated, pounding-in-your-chest, wake-you-up-at-4 a.m. anxiety.

All at once, as we laid down to bed that first night after returning, we realized we were on the clock. The time between court and the moment which we would gain custody of our child was growing shorter by the day. Were we ready? Was the house in order? How about work and our finances? Where would we find childcare? When would the court issue the final decree that would make our son a part of our family forever?

With an expected wait time of 2-10 weeks, we had no way of knowing whether we were sprinting toward our new family or merely trotting along.

It's July 27, just shy of a month after our court date, and still no word. We have heard that other families on our court trip have received their custody notices, but as of yet, that all-important phone call has not come for us. As we watch more families reach milestones, my head and heart are full of joy for them. But as our timeline begins to deviate, I also wonder: what is the fate of ours? What has happened to slow us down now, after so long?

We've heard the Korean court is quirky, and I don't mean that flippantly. I mean it in the truest sense of the word. Each judge does things differently. Every child's process is different, because every child is different. Every family is different. So all we can do is wait and trust in a system we know very little about, in whose public records we cannot read.

It may seem counterintuitive, but being married to a lawyer makes me trust the court system even more. I can't help but think that, whatever is holding up our process is being done for good reason. There is such thing as due diligence, and the court must do everything it can to see it is done, especially on the part of children — of our child and his birth family.

We could get the call tomorrow or in four weeks. And that's where it sits. We hope to know more very soon (of course) and are trying to keep busy until then.

Until we get that call, all I can do is trust the system, myself and Jason to get through these last and hardest days.